Martha Stewart's new CBD line is exactly what you need to survive a second lockdown. [email protected]
Martha Stewart’s new CBD line is exactly what you need to survive a second lockdown
In case you forgot (or were led to believe otherwise by the rise in superspreader events hitting the country), we are still in the middle of a global pandemic – one that is worsening as we head into colder months.
While this means we’ll likely be under some form of quarantine for even longer, I’d be remiss not to look back on the various phases of quarantine we’ve lived through so far already.
There was, of course, the “Tiger King” days no one can truly seem to remember; the Chloe Ting month where everyone on TikTok thought, “Yes, now is a very good time to get ‘shredded,’” and who could forget those gorgeous spring sourdough days? Actually, I can forget the spring sourdough days. Looking back, I think I might have been drunk for the first three months of quarantine just trying to make it through…
But enough about the past! We’re living in a far darker and scarier time, one where a handmaid (sorry; former handmaid, current “woman leader”) has just been confirmed to serve on the Supreme Court, where parts of our country are literally on fire, and where our current president’s inability to actually be a president might split this country right in two.
What’s one way we can all bunker down (pun sincerely intended) and just chill the f*ck out? Friends and lovers, may I introduce you to Martha Stewart CBD. From the only person in the world I still have faith and trust in comes a new line of CBD products to help you deal with these trying times.
This line has everything: gummies (which Martha calls “pâte de fruit,”) softgels, and Meyer Lemon CBD Oil. After using the products for a little over two weeks, I feel as cool, calm, and collected as ever!*
(*Author’s disclaimer: there is genuinely no way to be truly cool, calm, and collected during an ongoing global pandemic. These products will not cure COVID or COVID-era mental duress.)
I tried all three products in the line and found that some are more effective than others. Below, my full review of Martha Stewart’s new line of CBD products.
CBD Oil- Meyer Lemon Flavor ($44.99)
I’ve been a little grossed out by the slimy texture of every other CBD oil I tried, so I was definitely scared to try Martha’s take on it. I scrunched up my face, preparing for the worst, but then I noticed right away that Martha’s seemed to go down much easier than any CBD oil I tried in the past. Lo and behold, our domestic goddess truly thought of everything and added stevia to her oil to cut down on the icky sensation and help make the experience delicious instead.
I’ve had insomnia since I was 11-years-old, but stayed away from sleeping aids. However, in my old age, I’ve turned to the wonders of melatonin (and have upped my dosage repeatedly to keep it working). In my opinion, the main downside to melatonin—aside from everything about it—is how sharply it sends you off into sleep. I have always been able to tell the exact second my melatonin hits my bloodstream because it’s the exact second I feel as though I’ve run headfirst into a brick wall.
The greatest thing I can say about Martha Stewart CBD oil is that it doesn’t do that. I take one dropper (or 25 mg of CBD) and the ease with which I fall asleep is so smooth and serene, I’m calm enough to forget that the entire fabric of our democracy is coming undone. I drift to sleep softly enough to forget all of the paralyzing fear that lies in this still-existing, very real global pandemic and monster truck highway car crash fire of a government in limbo.
CBD Wellness Gummies- Berry Medley ($34.99)
As Martha tells it, her inspiration for starting her own line of CBD goodies was from Snoop Dogg smoking “10 giant fat blunts” at the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber. Since then, Martha has become an absolute stoner queen: although some of her friends feel the effects of her gummies after just two, Martha told Sheila Marikar of the New York Times, “I pop 20 of them and just feel OK.”
I’m more like Martha than her friends. I was so excited for these pâte de fruits, thinking they would be Martha’s take on edibles. While the flavors in the berry pack are A-1, top tier, goddess status, the actual effect I got from them couldn’t compare. Each gummy has 10 mg of CBD so in keeping with my oil dosage, I took two gummies, sat back, and waited. In essence, 20 gummies definitely might have done the trick.
The next day, I spoke with a more seasoned CBD user (a Coloradan) about my issue and he suggested to just keep sucking on the gummy until it dissolved. So I took my two boysenberry gummies, rolled them around my mouth until I was moderately grossed out by the texture I created, sat back, and waited.
As a late-night snack in the middle of a binge-watch session when I’m too lazy to get up and go downstairs, these gummies excel. But as far as CBD products go, they don’t live up to the high bar the oil set.
Now, this is something different. After trying both the oil to sleep and the gummies when I get a little peckish, I wasn’t sure where the softgels would fit into the equation. At 25 mg of CBD in an itty bitty capsule, I kind of just assumed these softgels would serve to replace my CVS brand melatonin. But I was wrong.
I know that most people take CBD during the day to kind of eek the edge off and mellow out while still functioning and going about their day. It was even suggested that I do this, become a person that takes CBD during the day, by my therapist. However, I thought I was far too anxious to become this person. But y’all… that was before and this is now.
I took one softgel before bed, thinking it was going to help me fall asleep as I watched a little John Oliver. Lo and behold, 30 minutes later, I’m feeling so calm and serene but still fully awake. I was following along with everything John was saying, I wasn’t sleepy, and I realized I subconsciously carry a lot of tension in my shoulders.
The softgels came out of left field and singlehandedly won this game. I’m so excited to become the CBD gal my therapist knew I could (and should) be, and, in keeping with the overall energy of my life, the only one I have to thank for this is Martha Stewart.
– Martha Stewart CBD is great for anyone who is looking to try CBD for the first time
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